I feel kind of dead inside tonight

So my stepsister's cousin was in the hospital all weekend, from what I get on Friday(maybe) she, her twin & her mom when on a girl scouts trip. For a bit before she mentioned head aches & seemed to be ok but then when they stopped at a park bench on the trip she mentioned pain before throwing up & becoming unresponsive. She was in the hospital & when my mom came to pick my brother & I up we learned she was announced brain dead, they had found a tumor earlier & she was to ill to get surgery. A bit later when we got home & I was putting together some figures I got earlier my mom told me that Ella(not sure if that's how you spell her name) was dead.

I wasn't really close to Ella, I wasn't really fond of the kids because they were so loud & kept waking me up when I as sleeping. I remember people saying that they though Ella would have OCD when she was older & she always seemed bossy but she's family & my other stepsister was close to her & her sisters. They were all around her her age(about 9-10 by now) & came over to play all the time especially the youngest sister. Despite this it feels off that she's dead now especially since she was pretty young. I'm not sure how to feel especially since I have trouble showing emotions at most of the time, I've dealt with losing pets & the death of my grandma. My grandpa has cancer now & I lost a grandpa(my dad's dad) I didn't know very well but still felt off about when he died to diabetes.

Aside from pet deaths(mostly hamsters & baby mice I tried to take in because I didn't want them to fend for their selves after being found & separated from their family by mistake) I've never really dealt with many other family deaths. I just want to not think about it because I kind of feel dead inside about what's happened, I'm just rambling/repeating myself & I kind of have a hard time explaining things even though I kind of did just now.